Why games get better with the people you know best

The first game with someone is just a game. Dice, checkers, rules, a winner. Pleasant enough.

Keep playing the same person, though, and something grows alongside it. By the twentieth game you're not only playing backgammon. You're playing them.

You learn how they play

Everyone has habits. Some people hit at every opportunity. Some would rather lose slowly than leave a checker exposed. Some double the moment they're slightly ahead, and some sit on the cube until it's far too late.

After a few games, you start to notice. You leave a risky checker because you know they can't resist a hit. You play safe because you know they'll hand you a chance if you wait.

It takes a few dozen games to earn that, and it makes every decision a little more interesting. The same risky move can be right against your brother and daft against your best friend.

They're learning you, too

Which means the habits you've just spotted in them, they've spotted in you.

So you change something. You hold back when you'd normally charge. They notice that as well, and adjust. Over time, a long run of games turns into a slow conversation about how each of you thinks.

One game ends when the checkers come off the board. A run of games with the same person carries into the next one.

The score becomes a story

Most games fade by the weekend. But the one you lost from an impossible lead gets brought up for years, usually at dinner, usually by them.

You end up with a shared history made of small, ridiculous details that would bore anybody else. The time you both forgot whose turn it was. The roll that saved them. The three games in a row that went the wrong way and were obviously the dice's fault.

That history belongs to the two of you, and it's what makes a game feel like yours rather than something you did to pass twenty minutes.

Losing matters less

A loss to someone you love is a joke you both get to keep. They'll bring it up, you'll claim the dice were involved, and everyone moves on.

There's less to protect, too. You can make a terrible move in front of someone who already knows you and nothing much happens. No reputation to manage, no need to look like you know what you're doing. That's a rare thing in a week full of situations where you'd rather seem competent.

It's the least demanding way to stay in touch

You don't need news to start a game with a friend. You don't need to be interesting, or free at the same time, or in the mood to talk.

A game sits there, waiting for whoever's turn it is. That's company without any of the admin, and with someone you know well, it adds up into something that feels like keeping in touch.

The short version

• Play the same person often and you learn their habits, which makes the game richer.
• They learn yours, so the two of you keep adapting.
• The games build a history: the comebacks, the collapses, the blamed dice.
• Losing to a friend costs you nothing, so there's less to protect.
• A running game is an easy way to stay in touch, with nothing to arrange.